Tuesday, September 11, 2007

buses, walkways and sleep.

Posted by maei at 1:54 PM

maybe it wasn't a good thing to sleep when i got back. so many thoughts, all jumbled up again.

i was feeling positively miserable this morning, but i guess it's what happens when you put a relationship under euthanasia. only that there is no quick, easy way to do it.

i feel like such a kid.

maybe i hadn't WALKED away from us. i sort of just teleported away. because while it is obvious i am not beside you anymore, it seems the environment has never changed. like i'm sort of standing still, although i know i should be walking forward.

this morning, after mike and mark went off to class at N3 and branched off from me, i walked through the rooftop walkway alone. i just sorta thought about him. and the same thing happened, as everytime i thought so.

the wind was chilly and i walked on, slowly slowing, until there came a point when i simply just stood still in the middle of the road. and stared blankly ahead, immersed in a cold feel, and goosebumps.

this is what always happens when i think about us. at hall 2 slope, at school, at orchard road. on the way in to his flat.

i don't know what it is, fatigue? because i feel just so tired. like i couldn't take another step without effort. heavy hearted, heavy footed. it just made me wish i could just stand there forever, without taking another step.

don't know why i'm suddenly making such a statement about walking. all i know is, it's about time i pick my life back up, and stop standing still.

today, i had to wait for a long long long time for the shuttle to come. was so tired i nodded off at the bus stop a few times. i remembered in the past, i would send out a complain sms to him, and the next moment, the bus would arrive, like he sent it down for me.

and a dozen other little things that, oddly, i can't conjure up.

ah well. i guess i AM tired after all. going back to sleep for real le. oyasumi.

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