Thursday, August 09, 2007

Posted by maei at 5:14 PM

1900-QUIT-WOW

maybe i'm really leaving wow for good. maybe it's a good thing.

recently realised how out of touch i am with the hall6 people. even during the camp, it felt like i was the 3rd and redundant leg of the 2-man operation of keeping the group up. it feels like...

yeah. a bystander looking in. especially when the girls are involved. it's just so weird. and it feels like my only link to the group is mike? not even alvin, so much, these days. sometimes i wonder if they feel like i'm some kind of a burden to bring along. like, having to constantly make concessions for me, instead of just immersing themselves totally in the group.

or maybe i'm just feeling too self-important.

back to less thoughtful stuff.

my voice has been gone for slightly over a week le. and tomorrow, i'm supposed to present a chorus of a song, any song, so that the vocal trainer can give us suggestions on how to improve, and have a better idea how we sound like. but i have no voice!!! how!!!

and next friday, that's 17th august, we've got a recording session. sigh. praying it will all work out nicely, and my voice will recover sufficiently. if not fully. still have no idea what songs to sing wor.

and kel isn't helping matters. everytime i ask or broach the subject, he'll just tell me how it's all my own fault that i've got no voice. well, maybe. but it's all because i haven't been giving my all that i'm alienated, that i'm feeling so out-of-touch. and all he can tell me is, why did you have to go and join the cheer fight, i told you you had to take care of your voice and such.

it really doesn't help. coz who do you think is the most anxious about this whole thing? you? no! you think i have no idea why? but it's all past and my voice is already as gone as it can possibly get. so why can't you be more supportive, and quit luo jing xia shi?

i guess i'm whining, and if you do get to read this, hubby, you'll prolly get pissed and we'll have a... heated talk.

not really argument. just, a heated talk. you'll lose your patience, and i'll lose my tolerance. and this has been happening so often these days.

there is hardly any substantial conversation we have that is not dotted with either your unhappiness or mine. and everytime we meet, there will be definitely something i do, or you dot hat makes either of us unhappy with the other. i'm so tired of it all.

and now that school is starting, i'll have less time, more commitments and stuff. and it feels like you're unhappy that i'm commiting myself back to something that i should have started commiting myself to last year.

and that's a reason why i'm quitting wow too. so that i've got the extra time to just nua and hang around when i'm not doing homework. i've got half a year to reduce my dependence on mike to link me to the group. half a year before he goes off on his IA. half a year for others to start noticing i exist and actively notice my existence.

jiayous angela.

(and cut down on these whine-fests soon, too)

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