Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Posted by maei at 1:15 AM

how far am i willing to go?

i was informed today that i would be needed for mini soundwaves performance on 16th and 23rd april. and you know what? since the roster would be generated for the 23rd only on the 15th, and i can't change my shift on the 16th, i really really thought i have to forgo BOTH performances.

which sucks.

nothing can explain the anger i felt just now. just how far are you going to push me? how much of my life am i willing to give up? i swore to pin yan i hated this job more and more everyday. i was willing to work 3pm to 1am and still turn up for work at 7 am the following morning. but, it all depended on the other party, and she wasn't able to help.

i want to perform! i want to perform in this performance. you can't ask me not to!!! this orchestra is something that will stay with me for years more to come, and you are just a job that i'll leave in less than a month's time.

so i decided that i would fight to perform on the 23rd. i have to, or else i'll be letting myself down. i wanted to file a request, but i think it would be rather futile. so i'm going to throw an MC. as how kel told me to. he makes sense. it's the only surefire way to get my way.

(on a side-note: that also means that i have to attend practice on wednesday before my graveyard shift, ie. i won't get to play WoW *sobz* but, i'll get to meet all my friends whom i haven't seen in such a long time i miss them millions.)

it feels good, to finally be fighting for what you want.

this job really taught me this. if you want something, fight for it. even if you have to offend people. it all depends on how much it is worth to you relative to all that stands in your way. if you are not willing to fight all the way, then it just does not matter as much.

it can make you seem defiant and selfish in the face of others, but that's another one of those naggy obstacles to overcome, and i guess in certain situations, you have to put that behind you.

i don't want to be a push-over. i want to fight for what i want.

you can make me drop some of the things for you, but remember, it all stacks up, and one day, i will find i'm giving up so many things for you, that i will become selfish, and want for myself too. one day, you will find me empty, and you will know you have hit my limit.

i will NOT be a push-over.

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