Friday, October 21, 2005

Posted by maei at 5:42 PM

laying foundations

strange, i thought it would be harder than this to keep up with the schedule today, but it seems not so. i've got about 45 mins excess of free time, without working myself too hard at the exam questions... wow. if it's going to be this relaxed, i wonder if it's going to work. i hope it's just today. anyway, i haven't figured if it'll still be so relaxed tonight. i'll be trying a full physics paper3. hm... hope it'll be more challenging.

anyway, it's pretty cool to have a schedule. you don't have to crack your brains thinking of what you should do, then feel lost for another half an hour, wondering where to start coz you're just so goddamn behind in your work even speaking faster feelslikeyou'redoingsomethingusefulinsavingtime.

phew. so all in all, it's started well, and will go well.

i hope i don't jinx myself. XD

i'll be breaking ground on physics tonight. feel some kind of anticipation... coz i don't know how it'll turn out. haven't really touched physics except to do some leisurely reading of the notes... hm... feel very bad about maths too. a bit stressed, a bit scared, coz i haven't done much pure math practice, just stats. then what if i totally screw up my paper1? *shudders* must steer clear of negative thoughts now... can't trip myself at this point in time.

either way, i've managed a c for math before, i can do better at a's. i've managed a c for physics before, i can do better at a's too. now, let's hope i'll do well in all three subs and trash out at the very least 3 b's. and one more for GP. make that all a's. muahahaha!!! yup, if i dream on, maybe i'll do that. BUT! that doesn't mean i can't continue working towards that goal. haha.

you know what? i realised that in my planning for my mugging, i've really left myself no time to do anything except to go home straight after school to mug til night, and work from morn til night on days i don't go to school. which means... I FORGOT THAT MY BROTHER'S BIRTHDAY IS ON THIS SUNDAY and i'm more worried that i'm not going to be able to keep up with my schedule than that i haven't prepared anything for him *buries head* some kind of sister i've become... and i always thought i loved my brother above all else except my parents *stabs* so how now brown cow??? mooooo............ (am reminded of sam lee *dripdrip*) don't sneeze your head off, mr lee. i know the staff room's cold.

okay, so i was saying... if anyone has any idea what i can do for my brother PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE let me know. a tagboard exists on this page. if you would like to leave a comment, you can click on the bottom leaf to the left of this box, and drop a note on the tagboard. arigatou gozaimasu ^_^

*flies off to change out of kimono*

okay, so i'm going mad *pouts*

on a happier note, moonchild is showing tonight on channel u at 2330hrs. gackt looks good. and that guy, that guy... that leadoflunasea guy is also acting in it. and kel said wang lee hom is also starring in the show *gags* i never really had a good impression of him >_< gackt... i like his voice. i think he looks good too. BUT! i still prefer kyo-chi *_* haha. don't have a reliable site to link piccies yet, so i'll save his picture for another day.

to think of it, i've been rather out of touch with j-rock for a long long time. been listening to mandopop for most of the past 2 years in hwachong. am getting MAINSTREAM. that sounds rather sad... haiz.

OMG. what if canoe polo training clashes with PAYCO pract next year?! haha. this is a sign of confidence ^_^ ever noticed i keep going back to topics relating to school and exams? hm...

but i digress.

saw yanliang online just now, on my previous break, and he sent me the fight theme from ff7 piano collections as well as tifa's theme. SWEET. i never knew advent children took the aerith, tifa and fighting tracks from the piano collection. it's so super cool. i will learn it someday. yanliang said he's contemplating buying the piano collection scores from ebay... the cd's and scores for ff 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10-2, 11... WAH. the guy's selling it at USD385, i think. damn lots of money to be spending in one shot, but damn cheap considering that the scores and the cd for one ff series alone could cost up to nearly a hundred bucks in SGD. funkiness. but i don't have the money... he said he might be getting it himself for his birthday... if he does, i'll pay him a portion of it, and rip the entire collection and photocopy the whole set for myself. muahahaha.

i want the ac soundtrack. that would make me happy for now. haiz... the remixes of the ff7 soundtracks were so supercool. esp the one-winged angel. rock-version! woo~!

i want the ff8 soundtracks too... esp the creepycreepy vithos lusec wecos vinosec (is it spelled like that? the track that was played during the fmv of the edea procession...) and the liberi fatali...

i want the ffx soundtracks too... wah!!! i want everything *hugs imaginary collection* stupid yanliang... make me go and recall all the nicenicenice tracks... *sticks out tongue*

but above all, i want my exams to be over, so i can go back to my activities. i want to go down to PA for pract, i miss the ppl there; i want to make my mask for prom; i want to go shopping with kelvin >_<; i want to play canoe polo (even tho' i've never played it properly before); i want to slack and suntan and listen to music at the poolside (not swim, hahaa); i want to do sooooo many things.

*deflates*

i wonder, do i perform or not under stress? i don't do anything under no stress, and leave myself to be motivated by inspiration, which usually ends up with half-done products. i start crying when i'm stressed out, and i end up smudging my work with my tears. i set up a schedule and i tell myself i should follow it. but i wonder if just following a schedule will work out well. it feels so inadequate, like, i'm just following a schedule, where's the brainwork?

(the brainwork was already done when you planned out the schedule and sweated out over how littel time you have left, girl)

yes, think positive, think positive. haha, it seems no matter how i try, the topic will find itself back at exams. it seems this way too, during much of my convo's with pple. even with kelvin, it's been terrible for him i think, to be worried about my exams and trying to put up with my dazed-ness. even talking with him seem to have smth to do with my studies once in a while... haiz. what to do what to do, it's the exams now, i can't think of anything else, this whole affair is overwhelming me.

let me learn how to hold my breath, that i can dip underwater and immerse myself in the world of studies , ignoring most everything else, for the next 27 days to come. 27 days... 27 days...

it's 1830 now, and i've blasted 45 mins of my time on this blog. i feel refreshed. let me go shower now.

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